problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
