your room smells of hookers.
And success
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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