you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
