I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
