Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
