I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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