I got chris browned last night
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
