i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
