i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
