just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
