nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
