a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
