Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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