An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
