I accidentally had phone sex last night
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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