ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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