tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
