I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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