i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
