I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
