she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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