my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
