you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
