Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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