hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
