but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
