I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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