His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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