i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Bring me that man meat
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize