Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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