im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
