He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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