i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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