Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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