Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
