i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
