Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
