You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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