did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
