Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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