my phone needs a breathalizer
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
