she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
