I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize