what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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