I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
