I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize