I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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