OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
