I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
