It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize