I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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