Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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