If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Randomize
