If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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