And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
