i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
