Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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