please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
