I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
