My balls are so social today.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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