So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
