so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
