where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
