Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
