She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
