It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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