hotel room ftw
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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